“When we refuse to process in healthy ways feelings of insecurity, unhealthy codependence issues, feelings of personal shame, deeply sublimated anger or fear, or some combination of these or other issues, they will wreak havoc in our lives and leadership and eventually endanger ourselves and others.” -Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership, p. 40
[This article is the fourth part of a new series on the topic of toxic leadership in the church, which is the topic I am teaching about at Pepperdine’s Harbor Conference this year.]
Exploring our Baggage
In my last post (Confronting the Toxic Leader in the Mirror), I talked about Peter Scazzero’s assertion that the primary task of leaders is to lead themselves—to look inward and confront the aspects of their lives that they’d rather keep hidden. But Peter Scazzero isn’t alone in talking about the necessity for Christian leaders to both look inside themselves and face their past.
Rich Villodas calls it “Interior Examination” (chapters 5 and 6 of The Deeply Formed Life).
Gary McIntosh and Samuel Rima call it “Discovering our Dark Side” (part 2 of Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership).
Peter Scazzero calls it “Facing your Shadow” (chapter 5 of The Emotionally Healthy Leader).
What these authors (any many others) are getting at is the fact that we all have baggage that we carry into our leadership, and that baggage turns into toxic leadership if we don’t acknowledge it and address it in a healthy, Christ-centered way. It’s just like at the airport — unattended baggage represents a threat to everyone.
And they really do mean we all have this baggage.
Toxicity isn’t a yes-or-no phenomenon. It’s not that some leaders are toxic and others are pure; it’s that everyone is on the spectrum of toxicity. The first principle that Gary McIntosh and Samuel Rima share in Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership is that “every leader suffers from some degree of personal dysfunction varying from extremely mild to extremely acute” (p. 14).
So congratulations! You are at least partially dysfunctional!
Here’s some specific examples of the kinds of baggage that can undermine us, based on the books mentioned above:
Unresolved trauma going back to our childhood.
Unhealthy scripts and patterns that we inherited from our family of origin.
Unmet needs (which leads to overcompensation later in life).
Existential debts (feeling responsible for something that wasn’t your fault, and launching a lifelong quest to make up for it).
Rich Villodas calls these types of experiences a “cocktail of de-formation, entrenching us in ways of thinking and behavior that require patient and honest self-examination” (The Deeply Formed Life, p. 117). The question is not whether or not we’ve had traumatic experiences in our lives that have the potential to derail our leadership; it’s how have we dealt with the baggage that part of our lives?
Signs of the Dark Side
While the baggage can be different for everyone, the key thing to keep in mind is that unresolved trauma and unhealed wounds lead to unhealthy leadership.
Gary McIntosh and Samuel Rima use the phrase “Dark Side” in lieu of baggage, but they’re talking about the same idea. They list several warning signs that a person is being controlled (or at least affected by) their Dark Side:
People-Pleasing: A profound need to be approved
Insecurity: An irrational fear that we (or our work) is not good enough.
Control Issues: The need to have total control over every circumstance.
Perfectionism: Perhaps an overcompensating for feelings of insecurity.
Compulsive Behaviors: Overeating, addictions, etc.
Summary: Any behavior that seems to overpower us or “uncontrollably drive us.”
As you look inward, these are signs that you have some baggage that needs to be explored.
Search Me O God
"Amid the busyness of our lives, who among us has the time or energy to mine the depths of our stories? My answer is, who among us can afford to neglect our story?” -Chuck DeGroat, When Narcissism Comes to Church, p. 141 (emphasis added).
The insidious part about our baggage is that it often goes undetected and unexplored by us until it’s too late. We only become aware of it after it has manifested itself in some kind of toxic, abusive, or inappropriate way.
“When leaders refuse to take that inward journey to explore and resolve the inner-life issues that span the feelings described above, the result is almost always an explosion that spews its deadly shrapnel into the lives of others.” -Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership, p. 46
What an image! The old axiom about an ounce of prevention being worth as much as a pound of cure certainly applies. If we know that we likely have the raw materials of toxic leadership lurking beneath the surface of our lives, wouldn’t we want to explore that and address it before it becomes a problem? The alternative is to deny the baggage and hope for the best—something akin to taking the batteries out of the smoke detector and thinking we’ve made our home immune from fires.
King David knew that the raw materials of sin and abuse were present in his heart. He knew how those powerful forces could lead him down a path of destruction if he wasn’t intentional about resisting them. And he knew that he wouldn’t always be able to see his dark side as clearly as he should. So he prayed, in Psalm 139:23-24, for God to search him and help him identify the parts of his inner life that needed to be rescued, redeemed, and reformed:
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (NIV)
That kind of request should be an ongoing, consistent part of our prayer lives as Christians. Even more so for those of us who serve in church leadership.
Conclusion: The Self-Awareness to Know our Toxic Tendencies
Everyone is toxic. Everyone has dysfunction. Everyone has a past. But not everyone does the work to deal with all of that in a healthy way.
If you want to be part of the solution to the toxic leadership crisis in the church, start with the toxic leader you are directly responsible for: you! Talk with a therapist, spiritual director, or mentor, and spend some time exploring your past, your baggage, and the unhealthy motivations that are driving your leadership.
Consider reading one of the books mentioned in this post, and especially the chapters on self-reflection. The best thing we can do as leaders is lead ourselves, no matter how painful that process might be.
Other Posts in this Series:
The Crisis of Toxic Leadership in the Church (April 25, 2024)
Why Don’t Churches Ditch Their Toxic Leaders? (April 27, 2024)
Confronting the Toxic Leader in the Mirror (April 29, 2024)
Unattended Baggage (May 1, 2024)
A Test of Character (May 3, 2024)
Honoring God in the Aftermath of Sin (May 5, 2024)
Developing a Christlike Heart (May 7, 2024)
Stopping Toxic Leaders Before It’s Too Late (May 9, 2024)