“The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works.” -Augustine
[This article is the fifth part of a new series on the topic of toxic leadership in the church, which is the topic I am teaching about at Pepperdine’s Harbor Conference this year.]
In an ideal world, every leader in the church would demonstrate the love of Jesus in every interaction and consistently follow all of his teachings. But as I’ve mentioned previously (Why Don’t Churches Ditch Their Toxic Leaders?), that kind of standard is an impossible ideal. The next best thing is having leaders who are quick to acknowledge their mistakes, take responsibility for them, and commit to doing better in the future.
When healthy leaders fall short of God’s standard for their lives, they take responsibility for their actions. When unhealthy leaders fall short, they take offense at the people who call attention to their misconduct. As leaders, the test of our character is how we choose to respond when people point out our shortcomings.
David’s Prayer of Confession
King David serves as a good example. David is an undisputed hero of the Bible, but he was far from perfect. As you’re probably aware, he committed a terrible sin by sleeping with a trusted friend’s wife and then having that friend murdered in battle to cover it up. When God’s prophet Nathan confronted David and finally broke through to him about the seriousness of his sin, David wrote Psalm 51, which begins like this:
“1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.” (NIV)
Throughout this prayer of confession, David shows the kind of contrition and humility that God expects from us as leaders in the church. David wasn’t perfect—nobody other than Jesus is—but he does give us an example of how to take full responsibility for our sins.
When someone comes to you and points out your faults, or raises concerns about something you said or the way you said it, how do you typically respond? Do you show the same kind of humility and brokenness over your sin that David did? Do you respond with curiosity, openness, and Godly sorrow?
Or do perhaps dig in your heels, get defensive, and take the fight to your accuser?
The First Response Reveals Our Character
In A Church Called Tov, Laura Barringer and Scot McKnight talk about this same kind of character test, only on a congregational level. Their point is that the way a church responds to allegations of misconduct reveals the culture of the church, just like the way a leader responds to allegations reveals the heart of the leader:
"When an allegation arises against a pastor, a leader, or a volunteer within a church, what the pastor or leadership does first will reveal the culture of the church—whether it is toxic or tov. If the response is confession and repentance, or a commitment to finding the truth if all the facts are not yet known, that church probably has a healthy, tov culture. On the other hand, if the pastor’s first instinct is denial, some form of story or narrative about “what really happened,” or a defensive posture against “those who would attack our church or ministry,” there are toxic elements at work within that church’s culture.” -A Church Called Tov, p. 41 (emphasis added).
As you think about the way you respond to allegations, would you consider your reaction to be toxic or tov? If you are already choosing to be humble, curious, apologetic, and filled with Godly sorrow in the aftermath of your sin, praise God!
But if you are like me and still find yourself gravitating towards denial, defensiveness, and counter-accusations, I’d like to invite you to stay involved in this conversation.
Our next post will cover the unhealthy ways toxic leaders respond to allegations and, on the more positive side, ten important steps to follow to take full responsibility for your actions.
Other Posts in this Series:
The Crisis of Toxic Leadership in the Church (April 25, 2024)
Why Don’t Churches Ditch Their Toxic Leaders? (April 27, 2024)
Confronting the Toxic Leader in the Mirror (April 29, 2024)
Unattended Baggage (May 1, 2024)
A Test of Character (May 3, 2024)
Honoring God in the Aftermath of Sin (May 5, 2024)
Developing a Christlike Heart (May 7, 2024)
Stopping Toxic Leaders Before It’s Too Late (May 9, 2024)